A brief tale about a Pantsless Bear
It was 9.30 am on a warm Sunday morning and Pantsless Bear arrived home after his fourteenth date with Katie, the girl who works in the DVD section at JBHIFI. His housemates cheered him into the house like Caesar entering Rome. They’d been waiting for this moment for a long time. Pantsless Bear went to the fridge and poured himself a glass of lime cordial before taking his throne on the brown saggy beanbag that everyone has had sex on except for him.
Housemate ‘Marty’ opened the conversation, with his bulbous, eager eyes exploding from his bony pale face. ‘How’d you go?’ He asked. Pantsless Bear looked away, smiling. ‘Well? How was it?’ Asked Marty, on the edge of his seat, desperate for any exciting stories Pantsless Bear might have. Pantsless Bear glanced away again, before returning his gaze to Marty and with a wry smile, he replied, ‘you don’t wanna know.’ He then looked away, smiling.
Gregory, Pantsless Bear’s other housemate paused FIFA 2015 on the PS4 and stared directly at Pantsless Bear. ‘So did you do it or what?’ he asked. ‘I don’t kiss and tell,’ replied Pantsless Bear, acting as coy as a guilty housecat. Avoiding the subject, Pantsless Bear comments on the beautiful weather outside, but Marty and Gregory weren’t slowing down. ‘So what happened?’ asked Marty, becoming increasingly frustrated with Pantsless Bear’s attitude. ‘Did you do it or what?’ asked Gregory, in an attempt to get right to the point. Pantsless Bear looked away, not smiling this time. His brow furrowed, his cheeks sank like dropping curtains and his jaw clenched as tightly as Gregory’s hand to the PS4 controller. ‘I could have, it wasn’t the right time, but she’s really into me!’ Pleaded Pantsless Bear, as Marty left the room and Gregory unpaused the game.
Pantsless Bear, having clearly disappointed his friends, stood up from the soiled beanbag and went to his room. He didn’t emerge for 3 days.
It later emerged that he did in fact make it back to Katie’s house, albeit for about 6 minutes. After being unapologetically dumped followed by an hour of begging on her doorstep, Pantsless Bear was asked to leave the premises by Katie’s sister’s boyfriend and he walked 33 kilometres home.
It also later emerged that Katie had been sleeping with her ex-boyfriend the whole time.