Spotting the Pickup Artist in a Bar

Spotting the Pickup Artist in a Bar

This one’s for our female readers. Let’s face it – the pickup scene hasn’t been a secret for a decade now. For those of you out their looking for love in bars (which is not dissimilar to looking for bananas in an oil well), you will no doubt run into a few of these self appointed love gurus trying to run some game on you. This may not actually be cause for concern – it’s now ten years since The Game was released and many a pickup artist has since moved out of his mother’s home, if only because of her death. Some are in jail because they caused the death.

Nonetheless, some of you would no doubt like some pointers on how to avoid sociopaths trying to get into your bedroom with a script (they usually get in there with a screwdriver at a later stage if all else fails). So here are some pointers:

You are likely speaking to a pickup artist if:

  • he picks a piece of fluff off your outfit that you’re sure wasn’t there five minutes ago;
  • he’s wearing a pink boa;
  • he asks you to assist he and his friends with an implausible dating hypothetical;
  • he asks inappropriate personal questions at an early stage;
  • he’s Neil Strauss;
  • there’s blood on his shoes; or
  • you’re female.

Keep in mind that the pickup artist is fundamentally looking for company. The fact he has ROTE learned stories about catfights in the toilet and has a daily routine not unlike Patrick Bateman’s in American Psycho does not necessarily mean he is a nutter. That said, one of the leaders in the community was put in jail for shooting a girl in the face so maybe we’re wrong.

Anyway, in the event you are approached by such a pickup artist and are not of a mind to meet up with him later (if you do, leave your personal effects with your housemate and food supplies for your pet just in case) then we suggest you politely end the conversation, head to the bathroom, leave through a window and deactivate all social media accounts for six weeks.

If you have any stories about awkward encounters with pickup artists, please contact us! We’d love to hear them.