Does Your Date Have A Meaningless Job Title?
The pressure is on these days to impress and the first chance many people get to impress a prospective lover is describing their job. Gone are the days when it was easy to decipher what a person did for a living. In a bygone era, a milkman was a milkman, a plumber was a plumber and a doctor was a doctor.
In recent times there has been an explosion in meaningless job titles. For some background reading into how this came to be read this, courtesy of The Economist.
In short, the reasons for the job title explosion include:
- more of them: there are now many new jobs as a result of the digital era and they need names
- cost: it’s cheaper to give someone a meaningless title-only promotion than to pay them more
- egotistical males: men will always find ways to stand out and, with the dating pool opening up due to ease of travel and the internet, fabricating a job title with an equally duplicitous boss helps
- workplace communism: everyone wants to feel special, so job titles are created to sooth the bruised egos of those in the lower rungs. It reinforces the myth that no one is any more important than anyone else.
A good test for determining whether your date is lying to you about their job comes from legendary dating coach Albert Einstein: if they you can’t explain it to a six-year old, you don’t understand it well enough. Ask them to explain clearly what they do and if they can’t explain it in a way you can understand in two sentences, swipe left.
If in doubt, consult our glossary of meaningless job titles below:
- Word Processor Operator: Typist
- Marketing Director: Door-to-door sales
- Account Manager: Cold calling sales
- Life Coach: Escaped mental patient
- Front Line Customer Support Officer: Casual call centre employee
- Government Officer: Welfare recipient
- Sanitation Consultant: Toilet cleaner
- Solutions Consultant: IT Help Desk
- Executive Assistant: Queen Bee secretary
- Manager: I couldn’t run a bath
- Project Manager: I couldn’t run two baths
- Social Media Manager: Professional stalker
- Branding Specialist: Cowhand
- Customer Service: Receptionist/Usher
- Associate: I don’t know what my job is
- Consultant: My boss doesn’t know what my job is
- Vice-president: Fall guy
- Brand Ambassador: Paid liar
- Entrepreneur: Unpaid liar
If you’d like to add to the glossary, write in with any meaningless job titles you’ve heard. We’d love to hear from you!