Photos women use on dating sites
At first, Marc Antony was shocked that Cleopatra looked nothing like her portrait.
– Ancient Dating, Graham Hancock, 1994
We’re going to go into more detail about the drawbacks of online dating in future posts, but today we’ll be looking exclusively at women, and how they fool people with their online profiles.
It seems to me that women are far more sneaky than men when it comes to online dating. Women know how to look good. They know how to pose in photos and they know what men are going to want to see. They therefore attempt to put their best foot forward by uploading extremely flattering photos of themselves.
The rules of online dating for women are very simple
A woman will ONLY choose the photos that minimise the width of her face.
Facial bloating is kyptonite for a woman when it comes to online dating and they will ensure that they do everything they can to avoid appearing ‘puffed up.’
The following points illustrate the ways that a woman will attempt to make herself appear more attractive:
– She’ll take photos from above and on an angle so people won’t see her double chin (which usually doesn’t exist anyway)
– She’ll pout (duckface), by sucking her cheeks in to make her face appear more defined and to highlight her cheekbones
– She’ll upload photos of herself in a long dress on a red carpet to make her appear more glamourous/famous. Don’t be fooled by this illusion. The ‘red carpet’ in question is almost never from a glamourous event. She most likely attended the ‘London Desperado’s Ball’ or the ‘Sioux City Beekeeper’s Club Film Festival’ or she might simply be in a carpet store with the lights turned down
– She’ll upload photos of herself with morbidly obese people
– She’ll upload photos of herself with less attractive friends who have more bulbous faces
– She’ll upload photos of herself with equally attractive friends who aren’t aware the photo was being taken and have therefore failed to prepare their ‘skinny face’ pose and as such, appear to have wide faces
– She’ll upload photos of herself with more attractive friends who have been caught at bad angles and thus look like they have bloated faces
– She’ll change the filters, assuming that a selfie altered with ‘charcoal’ or a hint of ‘beige’ will make her face appear more defined and minimise perceived swelling
– She’ll upload photos from a decade earlier. If she’s wearing a Scissor Sisters t-shirt in her profile pic, then tread carefully
– She’ll upload travelling photos. This is a common one. Women on dating sites don’t want anyone thinking they are at home, in bed, watching Friends, eating raw cookie dough and swiping through profiles. They address this by making it as clear as possible that they are a ‘woman of the world’ by uploading photos of themselves in Moscow, Rome and Singapore from their 10 day world tour in 2009. They want men thinking they are constantly on the road, never tied down and most importantly, always having fun.
– She’ll upload photos with her pet. Women almost always put photos of themselves with their pet dog, cat or ferret. While it may seem that she’s doing this to let people know that she’s an ‘animal lover,’ unfortunately the rules still apply and you can be sure that she’s picked the one photo where the poor hamster’s face appears bloated.
So there you have it. A woman’s primary aim when uploading photos online is to reduce the width of her face.
This is always true.
Online dating is swell.
Have a great weekend.
xx The Wounded Moose