Are You A Master Bullshit Artist (MBA)?
Competition is fierce in the world of bullshit artists. Liars tend to one-up each other and, in a desperate bid for credibility, many people have decided that the completion of an ‘elite’ degree will earn them the respect that they crave.
Universities throughout the western world have capitalised on the insecurities of middle class 20 and 30 somethings by inventing what’s known as the MBA, short for Master of Bullshit Artistry. An MBA typically involves 18 to 24 subjects which relate to business. These subjects provide the student with a broad scope of knowledge that will allow them to believe that they’re more intelligent than everyone else they know. MBA’s are typically undertaken by people suffering from moderate to severe anxiety and low self-esteem. Completion of this degree allows the Master Bullshit Artist to provide ‘expert’ opinions and advice on:
– The stockmarket
– Advances in Information Technology
– International business
– Finance and accounting
– Leadership and management
– Other people’s business ventures
– Other people’s finances
– Other people’s relationships
The Master of Bullshit Artistry will also give the bullshit artist the right to made predictions on:
– The future of business
– The future of technology
– The future of international affairs
The Behaviours of Master Bullshit Artists (MBA’s)
You can be sure that your friend has become a Master Bullshit Artist if:
– They endlessly brag about their salary or salary expectations
– They mention that they have recently dined with some well known business people such as Rupert Murdoch or Donald Trump
– The purchase a flashy new car, telling their friends that they ‘paid cash’ for it
– They develop an obsession with Gordon Gecko
– They start to befriend other Master Bullshit Artists and neglect their friends who have ‘regular’, ‘boring’ or ‘useless’ degrees, such as Law, Dentistry or Medicine.
– They comment on Israeli-Palestinian politics, claiming to know the ‘deeper truth’ behind the conflict due to the fact that they completed a 10 question quiz during their subject on ‘International Business Relations’
– They denigrate an extremely successful product and suggest an innovative alternative. For example, noticing the success of Netflix, the Master Bullshit Artist will throw around some nonsensical figures and comment that ‘the business model won’t work in the long-term’. He will then claim that his idea of converting duck faeces into mobile storage devices for digital content is a more viable and effective solution.
– They criticise the business practices of the world’s most successful companies and offer ‘expert’ opinion on how these business can increase their profits. For example, upon reading in a tabloid newspaper that Apple’s second quarter profits have slid slightly, the Master Bullshit Artist will draft a list of suggestions on how to restructure the organisation and email through to the Customer Service Help Desk at Apple.
– They criticise television shows for being ‘unrealistic’ in their depictions of business and corporate life
– They offer a sobering prediction of the future, claiming that by 2025 there will be no trees, everything will be in hologram form and all business transactions will take place telepathically
While MBA’s can provide a solid grounding in business, people almost always undertake them for the wrong reasons.
If you date someone with an MBA, don’t say we didn’t warn you.