Signs The Woman You’re Dating Is A Narcissist
This is another one of our many posts relating to narcissism. Since becoming single and invading the dating scene I’ve recognised a level of rampant narcissism infecting single women. There could be many reasons for the rise of narcissism among young people in society and most sociologists would argue that social media, the western ‘productivity’ movement, materialism and iPhones are at least partially responsible.
I would argue that we are in the midst of a ‘vampire’ movement, where people seem to be entirely unaware of their own fate and distract themselves from the reality of an impermanent existence by identifying themselves as a supreme entity, separate and independent from all other species, cells and the universe at large.
This delusion pervades every aspect of their lives and the result is an existence consumed with unfulfilled desire, pursuit of pleasure, pursuit of material possession, accumulation of consumer debt and obsession with image and appearance.
We’ve identified below the 3 main behaviours that you’ll notice in a narcissist.
- Congratulation of self
- Celebration of self
- Adoration of self
No longer is narcissism prevalent exclusively among young and immature people. I’ve noticed that it’s now occurring across all ages of younger people. For example, a 35 year old physiotherapist will upload 1,300 selfies from her Royal Caribbean cruise in the exact same way that an 18 year old college student will upload 1,300 selfies from her friend’s birthday.
Narcissism can be identified in your date by a general self-centredness and obsession with their own subjective experience. While we’ve previously discussed the characteristics of narcissistic men, today I’m going to list some of the things you need to look for when dealing with a woman suffering from narcissism.
The girl you are dating is a narcissist if:
- She documents every aspect of her life through Instagram. This is a sadly common scenario and it’s what my co-author and I like to refer to as the belief that‘other people care about me and my life.‘ This belief causes people to upload even the most mundane pictures of their daily lives, such has photos of their lunch or their cat. These people have either deluded themselves that other people care about them or more likely have a deeply ingrained belief that no one cares about them, hence the relentless uploading.
- She has professional photos taken. This is another common one. Professional photographers are finding themselves inundated with requests from girls to have ‘modelling shots’ taken. This isn’t for an acting portfolio or for a career as a fashion model but for her social media profile. The profile pic has become so important to women these days that they pay (sometimes thousands) for a professional photographer to take their photos.
- She unashamedly congratulates herself in her Facebook status. People who are insecure and feel they don’t have the respect of their friends and colleagues will engage in this type of behaviour. It involves the narcissist announcing ‘amazing news’ in a lengthy Facebook post detailing their achievements. For example, ‘So proud today that I made it through the marathon! I’ve worked so hard and trained so hard and I just want to thank my personal trainer Seth and my Mum and my sister and my friends. Thank you so much. I’m so proud. Thank you.’
- She never asks about you or your life. Narcissists don’t look beyond their own subjective experience and fail to recognise or empathise with the suffering, interests and lives of others. They simply don’t care and their focus is always on their own thoughts and emotion. As such, they tend to only discuss their own thoughts and emotions with others. You can tell a girl you’re dating is a narcissist when you realise that she wouldn’t be able to tell you anything about yourself. If you’ve been on 3 dates and she only knows your name, then she’s a rampaging narcissist.
- She breaks up with someone she’s not dating. Narcissists love to break up with people and deeply fear being dumped. After I kissed a narcissist in a cocktail bar a few weeks ago, she ‘broke up’ with me. ‘Dear Woundedmoose (name changed), sorry I haven’t been in touch, the truth is, I’m seeing someone else and it wouldn’t be fair to him if I replied to your text message. I’m sorry but it’s not going to work out between us. Take care.’ The idea of ‘dumping’ someone gives the narcissist a temporary boost in self-esteem. If you’ve been on a date with a female narcissist or met one on Tinder, don’t be surprised if she sends you a lengthy text message explaining why she can’t ‘see herself’ with you. She’ll then tell acquaintances that she had to ‘break up’ you.