Proposing Without A Ring
‘I felt it unnecessary, in light of the luminous mutual devotion shared between us and the imperishable trust that instilled itself into the walls of our estate, to propose with a ring. In the new world, as we rebuild Europe to it’s former glory and as the British Empire re-establishes it’s position as the guardian of freedom and international security, it is the ringless bear who will carry the hopes and dreams of an entire generation of young men.’ – Sir Winston Churchill, Memoirs of the Second World War.
I’m going to elaborate on a point made in a previous post by my co-author, which relates to the increasingly common phenomenon of men who propose without a ring, otherwise known as ‘ringless bears.’
Men like to provide a host of bullshit reasons as to why they ‘decided’ not to buy a ring for their fiancé. These include:
– ‘I see her as an equal’
– ‘I don’t want these patriarchal values to pervade our relationship, which is built on trust and respect.’
– ‘We have a mutual understanding and we don’t need a ring to reflect our love.’
– We’re unlike other couples. We don’t need tacky, old-fashioned pieces of jewellery to illustrate our eternal love.’
– ‘Love is deeper than jewellery.’
– ‘In lieu of a ring, I’ve promised to make a small donation to a charity of her choice.’
– ‘I didn’t want my proposal to be so cliché. I don’t want to be like everyone else so I decided not to buy a ring.’
– ‘Instead of spending my own money on a ring, I was hoping to propose with my grandmother’s engagement ring, but unfortunately I accidentally buried her with it.’
– ‘She specifically asked me not to propose with a ring.’
– ‘She suffers from digital tendonitis. Her finger will literally swell up and might need to be amputated if I put a ring on it.’
– ‘I put on a tuxedo, put a tiny bottle of champagne in the back pocket, took her to the top of the Eiffel Tower, got down on one knee and asked her to marry me. Amid all the excitement of the location and the proposal itself, the absence of a ring was barely noticeable.’
The truth is, there’s only one reason that men propose without a ring and it’s called ‘being broke.’
Financial management requires one to be cautious and mindful and to avoid impulsivity but many men lack the skills or the restraint to be careful with money and as a result, find themselves buried under mountains of debt.
Below are the reasons why your partner might not have the money to buy you an engagement ring.
– He regularly goes on lavish holidays to expensive countries. If he takes a 3 week trip to Sweden, then, at the last minute, decides to spend a fortnight in Oslo before wrapping it up with a month in Luxembourg then you can safely assume that he probably isn’t very financially intelligent. Most people carefully plan their overseas holidays, search for good airline deals, use airbnb, travel to countries with a good exchange rate and book everything well in advance to avoid unnecessary costs. Broke guys don’t.
– He’s lying about his salary. This is by far the biggest one and we’ve written extensively about men who lie about themselves so I won’t go into too much detail here. But if he’s told you he’s the CFO of United Airlines and earns an annual salary of $737,000 but asks you to marry him outside an all-you-can-eat family restaurant with nothing but a 2-for-one voucher in his hand then you can safely conclude that he’s full of shit.
– He spends money on ‘things.’ This goes for men and women, but many people seem to be entrenched in a cycle of spending money on useless material items. If he owns a pasta maker, a hot dog warmer, a foot massager, any kind of juicer or a robotic vacuum cleaner then he’s one of those people who is addicted to the ‘buzz’ that comes from buying something new. He’s also an idiot.
– He regularly ‘upgrades’ his car. Men are by far worse than women when it comes to vehicular stupidity. Failing to realise the pointlessness in owning something that depreciates by the hour, countless men sink themselves into mountains of debt for the ego-inflating pleasure of owning an expensive car. Luxury cars are utterly pointless and people with money realise this. If he proposes to you with nothing but the keys to his Bugatti in his hand, then he’s not marriage material, he’s blog material.
In many ways, the tradition of courtship and marriage is antiquated in today’s world and countless couples get married these days without engagement rings and ceremonies and swans and celebrants and flowergirls and all the other bullshit that you find at a wedding. We’re not criticising these people.
We’re criticising the people who take their partners to romantic locations, get down on one knee and propose with nothing but a smile.
If you’re going to go down the cliché path and propose like they do in the movies, then make sure you propose like they do in the movies.