BREAKING NEWS: George Lucas beheaded by Jedihists
In response to comments by George Lucas that Star Wars: The Force Awakens was perhaps an unimaginary rip-off of A New Hope, radicalised Jedihists burst into the Skywalker Ranch and beheaded him with what police described as a ‘shimmering sharp weapon.’
Police were called to the ranch at 2.30 am on January 2 to find Lucas’ perfectly severed head resting at the foot of a life-sized marble statue of a creature which police believe to be a species of Gungan,
He was 71 years old.
The Jedihists are believed to have ended their own lives with thermal detonators shortly after the execution. The identities of the attackers have yet to be released but Dr Albert Faluwa, a expert in terrorism from New York University believes they may have been radicalised by various online publications and video essays which depicted Lucas as ‘uninspired,’ ‘lazy,’ and ‘out of touch.’ There was also a growing discontent among many fans that Lucas didn’t follow the strict doctrine of Star Wars by introducing elements into the prequels such as midi-chlorians, virginal birth and cartoon characters.
Lucas recently made some controversial comments regarding J. J Abrams film ‘The Force Awakens,’ describing it as ‘retro,’ and insinuating that it was a blatant rip-off of A New Hope. Abrams was unavailable for comment as he’s busy working on a new project about a guy hired by the US government to find the Ark of the Covenant.
The Jedihists burst in to the property at round 2.21 am, shouting ‘Admiral Ackbar,’ a common phrase used by radicalised Star Wars fans. They repeated this phrase multiple times prior to the beheading.
An autopsy was carried out immediately after the incident and reports have indicated ‘tiny, microscopic organisms’ were found living inside Lucas’ blood cells.
George Lucas was a filmmaker and entrepreneur, known for creating the Star Wars and Indiana Jones franchises.