Couple Friends

Couple Friends

One of the more nauseating aspects of being in a relationship is that eventually you will make friends with other couples.  During the honeymoon phase of a relationship, when people are often willing to sacrifice individuality at the temple of conformity, surrendering to nights spent with other couples seems like a great idea.

Here’s why it isn’t.

It’s statistically almost impossible you will all actually like each other.

It’s hard enough meeting people you (as an individual) have a genuine rapport with at the best of times. A tiny percentage of the people you meet are people you genuinely want to spend a lot of time with one on one. The odds of meeting any given individual that both you and your partner like are exponentially worse – the traits you each appreciate will not necessarily overlap much or basically at all. Thus, while your partner might like/tolerate all of your friends, the odds they will love them all as much as you are remote and vice versa.

Once you’re talking about two couples, you’re dealing with four people. You need four people who will find each of the other three charming for it to work well. On the surface, anyone can get along with anyone. The probability of this occurring naturally is roughly equivalent to throwing a stone into the Indian Ocean (whilst blindfolded) and hitting the wreckage of MH370. Underneath, at least one will be screaming for the existential terror they face during each dinner to come to an end.

One is likely to be open to swinging.

As we have discussed previously, female/male friendships are basically bullshit. For some, having dinner/drinks with a couple friend is just a nice way to spend some time with some nice company. I assure you – one of the four is actively entertaining sleeping with one of the others presumably (but not necessarily) the member of the opposing couple that is of the opposite sex.

Give this pervert enough booze or weed and they might actually try to initiate something with their desired partner. This advance will:

  1. be ignored;
  2. be misunderstood as friendly banter;
  3. cause feelings of anxiousness in the recipient and jealousy in their partner; or
  4. be indulged and result in an affair.

Nuclear fallout.

When one partner in the foursome inevitably decides it’s time to wind back or terminate the arrangement, either because they don’t enjoy it or they’re sick of being sleazed onto, someone is going to get offended. There will always be one or two who want to keep the arrangement going at all costs. This will not happen.

The inevitable result is an awkward confrontation whereby the couple friendship is terminated. This will have ripple effects – if you are part of a broader friendship group, they will all find out and will either gossip or be forced to take sides. If two of them are, for example, work colleagues, there will be ramifications in the workplace which may lead to meetings with HR and/or social exclusion for some of the foursome.

Couple friendships are not a natural state. If you want to have dinner with some couple friends once in a while, then by all means do it. Trying to force it into an ongoing friendship that is the equivalent to your good friendships with individuals will result in disaster.

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