Why Bucks Parties Usually Suck
For centuries men have celebrated giving up their individuality and the opportunity to sleep with multiple women (well…without being judged) by organising one last night of simulated singledom – the Bucks party.
The hype that surrounds these things is huge. Everyone expects a wild night of debauchery that will at least be a story for the ages and may go as far as jeopardising the wedding. What results is usually a by-the-numbers night out that disappoints everyone.
The best man is not the best planner.
When a groom picks his best man, it’s usually a political choice based around who will disappoint the fewest people. Sometimes it will be a brother, often a best friend and occasionally it will be the intellectually handicapped family friend the groom was forced to play with as a child. Rarely is the choice based on who will organise the best party. Typically the guy chosen to run the bucks couldn’t run a bath.
They try to do too much.
It’s the same philosophy Hollywood now adopts – more is more. It’s not good enough to just pick an activity, get pissed and have a laugh. It has to start with a morning golf session, followed by an afternoon sporting challenge, followed by a bbq, drinks at a bar and then the strippers and another bar. No one ever gets to settle in and have a laugh. By the time people get to the bbq, they’re already starting to get headaches and want to punch people. Maybe the best man but probably you.
It’s basically always the same thing.
90% of bucks parties involve go-karting and/or the races followed by the strippers. By the 20th time you relived the same night, you’re getting bored.
The people on the bucks aren’t all friends.
The groom will often have a lot of friends in different groups. That means mixing people who don’t have anything in common.
It’s a tradition from a different age.
In the past, before our society was more liberated sexually, a man might only sleep with one or two women before getting married and may never have had sex with the bride before the wedding. It made perfect sense to visit a few women of ill-repute so they could have one last chance to see some beasts before surrendering to domestic hell. Now a guy will have seen plenty of women naked and will probably have had sex within a day or two of the bucks.
The guy running it usually rips everyone off.
The guy in charge takes a collection of $100-150 from every punter, purportedly to pool the cash and hire a bus, buy some booze, get a private area at a bar and pay entry to the strippers. Except their uncle Barry runs the bus as a side business, the beer is from Aldi and the strip club is desperate and free. Make no mistake – unless they can’t work a calculator there is a tidy profit to be made.
So we at the Bear suggest, scaling it back, getting a good bunch of men together for a pissup and just enjoying sending your pals to hell in style.
*this article isn’t about Beardo’s bucks