Are You The Subject Of Someone's Blog?

Are You The Subject Of Someone’s Blog?

Ever suspected you are secretly the subject of someone you know’s blog? It’s every person’s worst nightmare – being the subject of a joke they don’t get.

Here at the Bear, we expressly deny using our friends/exes/acquaintances/former friends as material for our blog. Nonetheless, as prolific bloggers, it is possible that subconsciously we make reference to our friends’ misfortunes. Since our article Signs Your Cat Is A Sociopath, our guest shrink’s cat Pucci refuses to speak to us, has unfollowed us on Twitter and started regularly shitting outside her box. It’s clear this is a serious issue to her.

So to help paranoid readers figure out whether they are the subject of someone’s blog, here are a few signs a blog is about you:

  1. It’s just too close to home. If you read a friend’s blog and they make reference to behaviour that is clearly something you have done and they do it repeatedly, ignore their denials. Bloggers do not have infinite imaginations. They will always draw on examples around them. If it walks like a duck, swims like a duck and quacks like a duck it’s probably a duck.
  2. They write something about you while you’re doing it. For example, you and your friends really like bowling and talk shit about your salaries/girlfriends/kids/investments/grandkids while you’re doing it. A post miraculously appears on The Topless Hyena called ‘Why men go bowling’ the same day you go bowling. It’s about you.
  3. They repeatedly assure you it isn’t about you… The first thing a guilty blogger-assassin will say when caught is that ‘it isn’t about you’ or ‘anyone specific’. If it’s not about you they’ll be able to explain who it is about or will simply be shocked you ask. If they dole out this well scripted explanation, it’s about you.
  4. …then write two more blogs about the same topic. If, for example, your friend writes a blog about ‘Places you should avoid on your honeymoon’ and specifies Bali, from where you have just returned with your new wife, it’s probably about you. If they repeatedly state ‘it isn’t about you!’ and insist it’s a coincidence, but then post ‘Why you shouldn’t holiday in Bali’ Parts 1 & 2 on subsequent nights, they are taking you for a ride.
  5. They write a smartarse(ass) post about it. So the offending blogger has just spent hours one night trying to placate you and everyone else they’ve offended. They then write a post outlining what their tactics were for getting people back on side and spell out why you were actually right. At this point you can at least breathe a sigh of relief – you aren’t paranoid.

So how should you approach it? If you:

  1. Privately seethe but do nothing;
  2. Unfriend them from social media;
  3. Complain to all of your friends privately but ultimately do nothing

then as night follows day they will…well write a post about it.

The smart thing to do is politely contact the offending blogger, convey your displeasure, ignore their bullshit explanations and politely ask they remove some of the offending content. Otherwise, get creative and write something better than what they did.

Please forward your hate tweets to Pucci’s Twitter account here