When a narcissist dies

When a narcissist dies

We’ve been through most of the life cycle of the narcissist on this blog. When they get sick, when they get fat, when they get angry…and we aren’t done yet. There comes a time, however, when the cycle comes to an end and the narcissist finally bites the dust.

This should be a joyous occasion. Narcissists are generally manipulative, self-aggrandising boors who make life for those around them a misery. The world has just lost a hindrance. You should feel free to take a day’s personal leave from work, skip the funeral and celebrate in style while the few people who feel guilty for speculating the narcissist was faking their illness turn up to carry the burden for you. In theory.

The reality is that while the death of a narcissist is a joyous experience for their acquaintances, it is also a joyous experience for another person – the narcissist. A funeral is nirvana to a narcissist. What could be better than a ceremony dedicated entirely to them, in a towering and ornate building packed with hundreds of spectators and where people are only allowed to say nice things about them?

Put simply you need to make sure they are actually dead. A dying narcissist is just as likely to fake their own death and invest heavily in plastic surgery or expensive makeup just so that they can bear witness to this heavenly tribute. There is an outside chance they will even give the eulogy in disguise. This means that if you, like my co-author, have a habit of skipping funerals there is every chance the narcissist will find out and use their actual dying breaths unleashing one final narcissistic tirade of abuse at you.

Check the medical certificates, ask for photos of the corpse or even break into the funeral home and drive a stake through the narcissist’s heart if you have to. Do whatever it takes to ensure that the narcissist is actually jostling for the lead baritone in St Peter’s choir and isn’t seeking one last dose of narcissistic supply before shaking their mortal coil.