When Your Dad Marks His Territory Online

When Your Dad Marks His Territory Online

The Bear is out of hibernation and back on the prowl! Someone told us that since we’ve been away, Donald Trump won the US election, Carrie Fisher and her mother died and the Western Bulldogs won the AFL premiership. Those wacky jokers! Can’t wait to check the news and see what’s really happened in the world lately.

Anyway, one long time Bear reader told us an unfortunate tale about his dad’s increasingly bizarre overshares online and expressed his concern. He was asking for our advice in confidence, which was an obvious error, and we’ve decided to share it with you all.

The reader’s dad is recently retired and has nothing better to do than race model trains and get online. He started marking out the family history on Ancestry.com. All fine so far. Then he started adding mind-blowing annotations like:

  • noting that his second wife (the mother of our reader and several of his siblings) attended his wedding to his first wife (the mother of his other siblings);
  • heavily implying when he lost his virginity; and
  • carefully recording his dating activity dating back to the 1960s.

Our dear reader was perplexed by this behaviour and wondered whether his dad had seriously lost it. The truth is he hasn’t. Men spend most of their teenage/adult lives bragging and lying about sexual conquests and the closer one gets to the end, the more apparent it is that people may soon forget what a stud he was in his prime.

Rather than let those classic stories of sexual encounters with women who have most likely since forgotten him fade off into the ether, he is going all out for immortality. Once something is online, it never dies (and it certainly won’t be vacating his kids’ memories any time soon after they read it).

So if your old man starts filling the internet with sordid personal details, do not fear. It’s normal. Consider removing their internet connections and having them locked in a facility to prevent maximum embarrassment in the future.